Is not a star. It is a simple as this. The only point of merit here was that they managed to reach an all time low of 17 points on this fountain of wisdom that the lads are behind. This place should rename itself the No-Star Kebab House. Which is rather sad, given that along with five daily servings of green vegetables, kebabs are one of life’s essential food groupings; especially when one has been primed with 12 pints of larger. Perhaps that may be the reason why I though that this place was no good, i.e. I was not drunk and every other time I have had Turkish (i.e. a kebab), I was starving and pished.
The place offers a 1,000 yen lunch buffet – which alone seems to be one of those offers that appear to be going for maximum points. But alas the buffet at the kebab house did not have any kebabs on offer. What it did have was some rather uninspired meat in a sauce that apart from being slimy didn’t taste of much.
The food: Harry and I braved it and went for the buffet. It was a bad choice, mince, chicken and mixed vegetables in a rather bland slime. I was going to say that it was not bad, just tasteless, but given the way I felt after I left, it was pretty bad. RB and Lapp insisted that given the place was a kebab house they would have a kebab, which must have confused the guy as I think that no one ever orders off the a-la-carte menu at lunch but just braves the buffet. The most entertaining part of a-la-carte set menu was that it purportedly came with a side of salad and pilaf. The waiter went promptly to the buffet table dumped some lettuce in a bowl and gave it to them. I am sure you could have also sorts of debates about what constitutes a salad, but a bowl of lettuce does not, it is a bowl of lettuce. Even better was the pilaf, which the new source of all knowledge, wikipedia, defines as “dish in which a grain, such as rice or cracked wheat, is browned in oil, and then cooked in a seasoned broth. Depending on the local cuisine it may also contain a variety of meat and vegetables”. So instead of preparing some fantastic rice dish, the waiter goes to the rice cooker at the buffet table, puts some rice in a bowl and sprinkles some salt on it. This was frankly taking the piss. 5 points.
The price: 1,000 for a lunch buffet is cheap, but then I would want to be paid to eat here again. 5 points.
The volume: A buffet should score maximum points here, but this was a place where the food was so bad, you would not want to eat enough to get full. 7 points.
The extras: Were shite. There was a soup, straight of a tin, as well as a desert, fruit, straight out of a tin. 0 points.
Bonus: No bonus for the unforgivable sin of serving soup and fruit directly from a tin. That is not cooking, in the case of the soup, that is simply reheating, and in the case of the fruit that is simply knowing how to operate a tin opener. If a restaurant can’t even make the smallest attempt at cooking, it should close down and reopen as a supermarket. 0 points.
The details: 4th Floor Akasaka Sangyo Bldg, 2-17-74 Akasaka, Minato-ku
Phone 03 6229 2868
Web site: http://www.starkebabhouse.com